Don't you send me to vm
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Hippo gnu deer
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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