God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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