My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
