foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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