just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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