I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
