ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
