how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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