He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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