I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
please come you make the beer taste better
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
