I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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