My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
