i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
