There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize