Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
