tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
