I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
