Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
