I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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