I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The beer is more important than you right now.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize