He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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