his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
third nipple confirmed
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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