I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
