Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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