Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
