i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
