my vag is so smooth its legendary
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I would ride that face into the sunset
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
