Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I look better un-naked...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
