the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
