So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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