omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
