Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
