so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
