No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
