She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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