hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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