I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
