Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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