I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So vagazzling was a success
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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