I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize