You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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