the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize