FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
what day is it and did you see me today?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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