I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
