stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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