You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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