Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Randomize
