I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
We smell like vodka and hangover
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