In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
