if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
