he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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