i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize