A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
