Yo dont text me then not text me
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
