i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
