I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
