she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
