Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
