Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
