Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
