So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
