well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
