His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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