everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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