you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
