You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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