Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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